The tale of an unshed tear !!!

I am tired ,tired so much indeed
tired of tearing me into pieces, bit by bit
showcasing myself to the crowd inside out
for i could not have beared to be misunderstood

I drown by my own weight
and it's none but me who made the choice
may be bcoz it always made a big difference
but,was i ever prepared to become someone different

The endurance in me could take it in all
and even tried to paint a smile
for i have nothing and nothing i owe
but friends and relationships that always stood tall

I wanted to scream,scream at the top of my voice
and liberate all the pain whatever be the consequences
but i cant,for i'd choosen to remain silent
but i wont,for i'd choosen to remain so

Just a thought of you has the power to bring a smile on the face
just a remark of yours has the curse to make my poems look cheap and fake
But now,i may not be able to face your face
for i have lost a bit of respect for me in this whole process

May be i'm just nearing my limits
and even fear a friendly,encouraging yet a firm pat on the back
I dont want to see the morning with eyes, that are live and fresh for just namesake
So again i bury my head inside the blanket.

Regaining the strength to be childish again
Re-finding the life to make people laugh again
Re-searching the joy to roll into laughter again
Regaining the spirit to be me again

I pray to god to heal it quick and fast
so that for long i dont remain quiet
so that i dont have to turn my face away
with embarassment when we meet on the way!!!