The last mile !!!

A haunting evening turning old
into a chilly night that winter.
Braving all thoughts
the warmth of breaths,the heart tries to restore.

The last mile
of walking together.
The ususual silence
taking me over.

Looking ahead and
taking steps one after another.
To turn my head and find
you besides me i could not dare.

For to walk alone
i had myself to prepare,
and that i had to let go
of you to find my future.

My mind travelled just
opposite to the road that dragged before,
and you could not wait
to find what's in store in future.

Time cracked the poorest joke
that i could think ever,
and god played with my spirit, my heart
leaving me to sing endlessly for ever.

If so, why is that everything
were to get so clear.
Only after you moved out

of my horizon for ever.

.....

one more year

i ll leave behind and
to one more moment

i look forward

the heat of the moment lessened
a thousand emotions alive and most have faded

Few have died

and a few strengthened
and in a while

everything will turn around

one more moment ll be left behind
and to one more year i'll look forward

i m not a hotsage

to years, hours or seconds
yet a tear unshed

as the evening turns dark and cold.

On the edge of the cliff !!!

Once again

I'll make it to the top.
To the top of the cliff

only higher and more steep

The bare chest will be carved

by the stones, rude and rough
I know I fear the heights

but I won't stop

I still remember

with lovely disbelief
and wonder how like an animated bee

I had taken the first step.

May be I was in dreams

yet never touched sleep.
May be I had the parachute

to save my life.

A Gift that you get,

when you feel love yet do laugh
keeping you afloat when you fall

from the edge of dreams shaking your belief.

But, it is not my love of adventure

or any crazy stuff
I just don’t want to take

my parachute off.

For the people, upon me,

who would laugh
As I try to fly ,

running along the busy street of life.

I will wait

on the edge of the cliff
Waiting to meet that lovely cloud

with eyes that never bluff

Seeing them

I'll take off.
And may this time the

life saver never opens up

As I feel as light

as the cloud itself
I'll let God push me

from the edge of my life.

Let me not stop...

Let me not touch

you any more
as you sleep so deep

under the stars

Let me not stare

at you any more
as your closed eyes weave

dreams of colour

Let me not wake

you up at this hour
as the game of hide and seek

between the cloud and the moon is not yet over

Let me not pull up

the covers
as the beautiful feet lay bare

showing strangers the door

Let me not stop loving

you more and more
and a dawn must break

when the clouds will clear

and a smiling you will find me

along the morning star
the most unlikely and the most lovable person

you are next only to a mother

A silent song !!!

why are you silent, so silent like a dead song
and what's this strange silence, untolerably long and just streching along

I can't even hear you breathing
though, that you never wanted is a different thing

or this is the helping hand that I never recongnized all along
and I'll miss everything as you moved to a different world altogether without a warning

may be you should have never wished for me even as a friend in passing
and sincere as always you were, but here I die to get rid of this passion

and you knew, what ever you said is what I sang
may be to relieve me of pain you have gone silent and never gonna come alive again

My lips have run out of words and I am far from rhyming
but silently in this undying silence I find myself happily singing.

Routine rumblings !!

i m at ease, i m at peace
but, poor have i become having paid the price

no more do I board the wrong bus
no more do i commit the irregular blunders

but still i couldn't cross the vaccum, the space
is it the sadist addiction,or the characteristics of mutated genes

i m not the rays of light
that could cross the darkness in a night

but have become the screams so deep and so silent
enshrouded by the vast vaccuum and not finding the way out.

The lonely traveller, disgruntled just does yell
you silly, stupid just go to hell

But, if you ever set out at all, give me a call
I ll be on my way as well.

Envy !!!

I envy the sea
that treasures in his heart your sand impressions.

I envy the blood
that returns to your heart every few seconds.

I envy the tears
that runs across your cheeks sans care, sans emotions.

I envy the pains
that dates you early mornings,evenings and dark nights.

I envy my lost,killed self
whenever i am not dead and dont feel like this.

Dont hate me ever !!

dont hate me ever
for i will never return ur favour

and if this is what you are worried over
know that this will end never

And u get happy seeing the wall of indifference getting taller and taller
i feel happy with the depth of my reservoir getting deeper and deeper.

as they say about the wind and the fire
the jungle in fire,the little flame of the candle,the wind and it's ire

The little flame that loves to sleep with the caress of air
but in woods makes love to the wild wind till with shame and with ash the eyes of soil, get covered.

Rain ..

warmth of love
in my heart

drops of rain
to tease and excite

A friend to feel belonged
however remote

What more from life
i shall want

And live life
moment to moment !!

A little treasure !!

I look into the mirror
eyes bulging and with an attentive ear

i dont believe these rhymes, i ever spoke or even heard
as leaving the scent of love the flower disappeared

in the war to look up and gaze the stars
to fly like a bird and be free from tears

i hurt myself and you beyond repair
no questions and i know all the answers

may it never be a compulsion but a pleasure
to accept things as they are and as they were

i know I have changed
and could not keep ur word

i can still see u standing on the lines of a pink paper
and with glee yelling, "don't change ever"

i am truely sad dear
but i have changed , i had to, for
i could not bear anymore
and this will be the lonely treasure for ever.

Blood red !!

Dont ever feel pity
keep stabbing and just do ur duty

for if you ever show sympathy
and touch the bleeding wounds with allopathy

In pain i ll cry
and may make ur face bloody as u would try

Dont ever feel pity
keep stabbing and just do ur duty

I m addicted to it and i shall not lie
to hold all pains,all complaints close to my heart i wont shy

never let a moment pass by
for if u ever stop all the blood would gush by and in a moment i ll die.

Anonymous Friends ???

An anonymous,wish i could become
and say everything that to my mind, would come

may be to hide is something i could not learn
may be i thought the best way to do so is to stand in the open

even i hate u seeing me drowning
for i tried to come out once and found myself in the flame burning

even i hate u seeing me bleeding for nothing
that makes me the biggest fool i have seen in the making

and i became silent and the little treasure i started selling
to my misfortune the more i tried the more it was growing

selling my emotions was never in my liking
but i thought i would be ashamed and would stop rhyming

and at times people loved what i sold
for we all love the rocket going up but what bout the fire that propelled.

Finally my silence broke one evening
and mesmerised fingers just kept typing

may be to seek an answer as it is my turn
to a question u had asked and i tried in vain

i still do remember
a question that then did not matter

that i tried so hard to answer
and finally told we are so far yet so near

and to answer i can go on for ever
when u asked "what kind of friends we are"?

Having lost things that did matter
and being lost in things that would never

it's my turn to seek the answer
Now please lie and say we are still friends of somekind, anonymous or whatever.

The last word can never be said !!!

I am not a mere reflection
of someone's love, hate or indifferent emotion
for i m the ocean that reflects everything!!!

I am not a mere reflection
of my own little dream,even if it's the sweetest one i have seen
for the tide of joys fade away as the full moon night passes on!!!

I am not a mere reflection
of my own broken dreams and all the pains
for i just need to sleep well and another dream'll be just queing!!!

I am not a mere reflection
of your presence that causes a smile for no apparent reason
for the lightning lasts just a moment and cant be snapped even!!!

I am not a mere reflection
of everything i m tyring to say even
for the attempt to say the last word is the biggest illusion!!!

And still we keep fooling ourselves again and again.
May be that's why you cant be in love and be a wise (wo)man!!!

Eternally complete !!!

People say that you have found venus
and all the love and happiness

When did i say i m being jealous
or that i wanted to cross the fence

Why do u listen to a fallen man's words
May be you have never fallen and not know of the helplessness

To move on i know a hundred ways
but still at the crossroads the shadow of my joy stands

It's the same whether you are in your teens or sixties
And you thought i did all these by choice

with hope and some belief in your grace
waiting for the old you and a glance to paas me by chance

when all around me become breathing corpse
i shed my body and stand at the door of your house in dark nights.

Missing you !!!

There were no kisses
or promises
and there were no silent promises of kisses

but what shall i do
i still miss you.

There were no rains
and never held arms
and there were no silent promises of walking in rains

but what shall i do
i just miss you.

There was no fire
there was no romance in the air
and there were no silent promises of looking into eyes of each other

but what shall i do
i just miss you.

There was no past nor there is any future
and we are not going anywhere
and there are no silent promises of dreams together

but what shall i do
i just miss you.

Keeping you alive !!!

where shall i keep you
and how shall i keep you alive
till the years ahead of me I do live

There is a house
i stay some day and some night
but that is not mine and that is in debt

There are memories
i call your old hut
but with time it will be covered with dust

and there is this little heart
I searched for a little space but
it's filled with all the shared moments

Where shall i keep you and how shall i keep you alive
may my fate never let me meet, so let me find
you in my words sour and sweet

A favour !!!

dont say a word kind and warm
it's been long i have died and i dont have any charm

dont say a word kind and warm
a lot insensitive to words i have become

dont say a word kind and warm
for that might make you think that i do still dream

dont say a word kind and warm
when i am alone it makes me cry and scream

dont say a word kind and warm
i ll hate myself for at the cost of leftover innocence i gave way to cynicism

dont say a word kind and warm
for i cant afford anymore to lose whatever liitle strenght if you change your opinion

dont say a word kind and warm
if you still want to do something just return my old time sans any label and sans any dream

Standing at your door !!!

Though i stand at your door
i dont knock out of a little fear

It has been a long year
and i have been learning to keep this far

wishes once so demanding like a chilled opened beer
aging into wine getting smoother and smoother

the distace has vanished and my crazy cravings disappear
and i dont miss you that much any more.

for i have created a smiling you out of my little memoir
and my obsessions, in a weird rhythmic way i got over

The eye is not that playful any more
it's become steady and getting deeper.

I have grown a hairy beard and cut short my hair
and many times find you behind the mirror

I still stand like i used to at your door
though turned silent and dont knock out of a little fear.

but i dont know who you would like to meet an old friend or a stranger
and i have turned silent and dont knock out of a little fear.

Peep through the spying lens of the door
If you still find a friend plaese open my dear !!!

DISTANCE

IF IT'S THE SPACE
THAT MAKES THE MOON LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL FROM HERE

IF IT'S THE SPACE
THAT MAKES THE SUN A SYMBOL OF HOPE,LIGHT AND LAUGHTER

IF IT'S THE SPACE
THAT MADE ME TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

IF IT'S THE SPACE
THAT MADE ME FEEL I WAS STILL NEAR

IF IT'S THE SPACE
THAT MADE ME TALLER AND TALLER

THEN IT MUST BE THE SPACE
THAT MADE ME LOST YOU SOMEWHERE WHEN YOU WERE NEAR

THEN IT MUST BE THE SPACE
THAT HAS KILLED ME THIS FAR

THEN IT MUST BE THE SPACE
THAT HAS SHAKEN MY CORE

THEN IT MUST BE THE SAME SPACE
I FILL MELANCHOLICALLY TO REMEMBER
FOR FOOLISHLY I HAVE BURNED ANY BANAL LETTER,
ANY THING THAT BORE YOUR SIGNATURE

AND NOW THAT YOUR IMAGE IS FADING FROM HOUR TO HOUR
I AM AT LOSS OF WORDS AND FEEL LIKE SOMEONE THAT I NEVER WERE

The darkest side !!!

In my mind, a cold blooded murder
a foreign land, a dark night and a lonely corner

A twin sided knife shining under the stars
A self exiled mind behind the bars

pressed against the palm the blood flows like water
and the fingers rest on the other.

Following the steps and tracing the falling hair
With a clogged mind keep following her

waiting to blast under the unknown pressure
like the union of two neutron stars

The eyes could never see the loved one standing before
everything looked red and, black the future

lost the senses in the raging war
and death kisses one just to be found a moment later.

everthing is fair in love and war
or is it love that makes everything fair else it becomes a war.

strange strangers !!!

I dont know what to speak
if somehow we meet somewhere by luck

and straight into the eye i shall look
or pretend as if i m reading a unreadable book

shall i ask for a short walk together along the sidewalk
or cant muster the courage to talk and stand like a dumb duck

shall i try to make a funny look
or the eyes will widen and instantly all the details it ll soak

or shall i light a fag, and hide behind the screen of smoke
and laugh at a short living ,slowly burnig thing creating this much smoke

for an ocean of fire, inside me as i look
everything is burning, yet not a handful of ash nor a faint ring of smoke

the air will grow heavy with the fire and the smoke
and to collect the ashes ,there is only wait but no luck

to imagine all these may be fascinating, as it might look
but there ll be just stragers,though both ll look alike

One is the known face and an unknown person i do look
and the other faceless yet smiling as if the other it does mimick

LIVING !!!

i float in the sky,
so light and so high

So close to my heart an alien lives by
that i can never deny
The pulse is normal,yet i heave a deep sigh
and wonder,why so much the heart does weigh

Yet I feel like floating in the sky
so light and so high

One moment i feel like in cloud nine
and another, like a lost,tired traveller i do pine
i dont see any dreams, not even i dare try
yet everything seems like a dream and silently dreamlessnights pass by

yet it's not a dream and i float in the sky
so light and so high

i go into pieces,when i cant answer where am i and why
but as if mesmerized i keep walking,i dont know why
i dont laugh anymore and neither do i cry
but for the occasional tears that keeps wetting the eye

Yet on clouds i walk in the sky
so light and so high

I keep chasing a piece of sky,
that never seemed near by
A fruitless and useless pursuit i still enjoy
I cant reason and i dont know why

may be to feel so light and on a high
and after i die i ll never regret i missed a try !!!

Weekend blues !!!

I look back to the time i was reborn
i look back to the time i tried so hard to cling in vein
I look back to the time i became a stranger
I look back to the time i forgot i was a loner

I would wait for the dawn everyday
With the wings would fly to my nest day after day
Just to feel something so lively is around
Just to feel the blood rushing to my mind

I never knew what was a monday blue
and why i hated the fridays i had no clue
moment by moment i would wait for the days to pass
who ever knew i would wish leisure to rush

Only being there was what i always wished
and tried so hard not to let u know that i missed
for the talk on love have become such a clumsy thing
as if in my hands i's holding a chewing gum.

But i failed utterly
may be i should not have got carried away
But would that have done any good
if,to both, u and me i would have lied

sometimes my thoughts does sway
had i have any other way
But when i feel so nice to say what i feel and feel what i say
i feel lucky that i had no other way !!!

The north star i m searching for.....

Just that when i thought of
not bothering you any more.
Just that when i thought of
not looking at the ink drying any more
I just couldnt help asking you a question
even knowing that you never gonna answer


Just that when i thought of
not to wake up with your thoughts anymore
Just that when i thought of
doing the left out daily chores
I couldnt help asking you something to share
even knowing that you may never listen to it ever


Just that when i thought of
feeling lucky to have not lost sleep ever
Just that when i thought of
being relieved of never seen you in my dreams ever
I just could not help but wake up
to a dream of the kind i have seen never


Just that when i thought of
you being happpy with things whatever
Just that when i thought of
you being happy with your journey that ends never
I just could not help but ask youwhy did in my dream, so sad,so sad u did appear ??


For how can i be happy in love ever
if you dont smile and laugh like that anymore
For how can i smile in love ever
If you dont shout,dont crib that lively anymore
For how can i be strong in love ever
if you dont show me how to stand tall in love unwavered.


And that i have to take the road u have travelled sooner or later.....

A FD cheque, i wish doesn't bounce

Thinking of you sometimes,
Thinking of you looking into my eyes sometimes,
MY body does shiver
and eyes fill with apprehension and fear

I ll find the strength to go through all the wear and tear
But one thing i want to tell you my dear
The picture of yours in my eyes may blur
by a drop of tear that ll come out of nowhere

A tear that keeps my eyes moist and words sweeter
The tear that would make me feel your pain and share
I just fear,will you blame me ever
for the empty space in my heart's corner that u can see but cannot enter

But what shall i do my dear
i never thought the soft moon light ll melt me to flow like river
And please be sincere and answer my dear
would you have ever liked the river bed sans a drop of water

Would you bring me out of despair
if i say you ll find my eyes moist wtih love for you ever
And please be sincere and tell me,my dear
would you ever liked my hands on your chest and not feel you heart beat, ever

I am just bit lost my dear
and for this i must pay for
I ll hold your hands for ever
one of us may be lost but we ll always be together

And with you I ll cry my dear
and you ll laugh on me finding so vulnerable than you are
I ll try to force a smile on my face for sure
trying in vein to hide the tears.

Will you still love me my dear
when you find the scar
in my heart that's not your????

A lovely ghost!!!

In the dead of night
i hear a heart painfully beat

It sounded familiar
like the worn out chord of a guitar

With anxiety i follow it
leading me to a lonely hut with a light dimly lit

Looking at the face i break into tears
For I've never seen this like it ever before

The face was not bright and the hair disarrayed
As if leaving the body the spirit has parted

the agony on the face was like the pain caged
The sweat drops mixing with caustic tears crossing the lips that
parted

I wished i could die and be a ghost
and with soft hands hold the heart so tender beneath the breast

And slowly take out the thorns that stuck like a dart
and kiss the wounds when the blood would gush out

I would drink the blood poisoned with the suppressed hurt
and let you shout, let you faint for a moment

With all the love in my eyes
i ll catch a glimpse of the innocent face

like a baby sleeping in peace
sans the warm tears that flowed all across

i cant even touch the tears
for they are all yours

i wont even try to wipe
for you wont know where u r when u come out of sleep

when you lips will tremble to speak, I ll be gone with the wind
searching eternally for my ghost girlfriend :P

Happy Valentines Day!!!

Ecstasy

I dont want you
I dont want your love either
I just wanna be in love forever

You may die
and your love may dry
But i ll be wet forever

You may not like to come in my dreams
i dont even, for you may have to wake up at an odd hour
but i ll be in dreams forever

I dont want you to talk to me
for you'll get bored of weird expressions for sure
But i ll be in a conversation forever

I dont want you to walk with me
for you'll get tired walking at my pace for sure
But I ll be on a journey forever

Though it's you i fell for and got a bit injured
Though it's you for whom my thoughts flowed like a river
At the end it's only the feel of ecstasy and neither me nor you shall matter

I dont know whom to thank for
Is it you who made the mirage worth searching for
Or is it me who fell for it forever

And there ll be one who ll open the door
But it's you who opened the windows and let the sunshine enter
And I'll be grateful to you for whatever you are forever

I dont want you
I dont want your love either
I just wanna be in love for ever

If this is a crime so severe
then i must say i dont care
for feelings have no boundaries and imaginations, no border.......

Half boil !!!

What's that in a half boil

that is not in egg masala or in a full boil
what's that in a half boil

that is not in egg omlet or in an egg boiled.

What's that in a half boil

that makes it special like hell?????

What if it has a few burns

what if it has a few boils

it still inspires to transform and be original

and to burn a little ,

to die a little

and still remain beautiful

it still remains vulnerable

knowing that plp may not be careful when they handle

it still remains tasteful

knowing that for this it may remain ephemeral

proving that being beautiful is being simple

porving that just with a pinch of salt and pepper one can taste like hell!!!

Pessimism at its bloody cruel best!!!

I dont know why am i here now
and that there is nothing to gain and nothing to lose now
may be it's become a cheap habit
may be bcoz so cheaply i never lost and left with such a bad taste!!!

May be there is still a child that lives in the heart
who forgets what is present and what is past
and can die for a drop of joy
as if it has found its lost toy!!!

May be becoz i love to bleed
and watch the tiny droplets of blood
that would become my words
and flow in my rhymes!!!

May be i crave pain for some cosmic reasons
and when a pin pinches the skin
i wont pull it out then
but wait till the bleeding stops and there is no sensation!!!

May be the compliments on the billboard is that hurts the most
the background full of dead flies and for a pizza does the ad invite
and the talk on love is the most short sighted act
sounds like pulling a chicken out of an egg when it has not been hatched yet!!!

Silent stupidities.. :)

standing by the window pane
bathing in the soft morning sun
soft may be bcoz of the sunscreen
painted on the window pane!!!

Looking at the road running down
hundreds of feet touching down
some faces up and some down
some faces known and some unknown!!!

scanning the faces one by one
with unbounded joy and a little grin
with the heart pounding and the body frozen
unable to breath but who cares for that then!!!

to catch a glimpse of the face shining
counting the seconds he has been waiting
but strangely when ever he waits for her to rush in
the wait had always lost its meaning!!!

Friday Dressing!!!

shoes polished and shining

faces relaxed and glowing

steps in sync and dancing

eye lids on alert and not blinking

hourglasses inspiring and beaming ;)

glances lethal and looks are killing

and i am too old for flirting

and too young for marrying..he he he

Beyond seven colours!!!

There are emotions
other then love,hate and anger
we feel some to experience
and fail to see the others!!!

and there are colours
other then pink,black and amber
it's only the limits,
that sees in rainbow just seven colours!!!

There are seasons
other than spring,summer and winter
the earth may not move round the sun and the stars
still somewhere long days follow the little nights!!!

and there are resons
other then love,hate and anger
some we can understand with the brains
and some we cant for our biased experiences!!!

Thre are relationships
other then being friends,parents,and lovers
some we find in moonlit nights,and some in the lonely hearts
and some are like the polar star, independent of the sun, the moon and the stars!!!

A not so costly wish!!!

May the clouds cry
when dear ones say u bye!!!

May you find a cup of coffee strong and hot
when the moods are out and u wanted to shout!!!

May you find a bar of chocolate
when you lose heart and feel desolate!!!

And on the way may the people you meet
for whom you never have to show disgust!!!

May you find a bunch of flowers fresh and pure of blue and amber
with them the one in your dreams knocking at your door!!!

A remote wisher that cant and wont send a flower
for it is a costly affair

and my forecast for this year
says i ve to control my expenses ...mere yaar!!! ha ha ha.................

Life and it's ways - || !!!

Manjilein hain alag aur rastein bhi
ashayein hain hai alag aur armaan bhi
par jab hota hun dur bheed se aur duniya se bhi
tum kyon aja te ho kabhi kabhi aaj bhi!!!

hain khusi bahut mujh mein bhi
par ye choti khusiyan kuch alag hi thi
aur kabhi kabhi galti se dhund ne lagta hun unko aaj bhi
aur khus hota hun mein us khoj mein,us bewakoofi mein aaj bhi!!!

aisa bhi nahi ke maine dard dekhe hi nahi
par in chote ghaon ki baat kuch alag hi thi
aur ashaon ka suraj dub jata hai jab bhi
juaar jaise ye uth jate hain dard ke sagar mein kabhi kabhi aaj bhi!!!

waise toh ek buri aadat hai meri bhuljane ki
paar kuch yaad rakhna ek bimari hai meri
din geen te geen te gaye gujar saal bhi
aur shayad mujhko rasta pe chalna sikhade ye naya saal hi!!!